| getting married |
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| 02:16pm 27/04/2006 |
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I love damian and weve been together for all most a year now and were getting married |
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| new accounts |
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| 12:56pm 16/01/2006 |
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mood:  optimistic
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I started a checking account and im hoping that if i save carefully that maybe on my 18th birthday i can go on a trip to eastern europe i think that would be a cool thing to do before i go off to college. |
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| Starting Harper |
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| 12:51pm 16/01/2006 |
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In two days i will be starting harper and im just so excited i worked so hard for this i now think that getting trown outta conant was a great milestone i am in a place in my education that i never could have been at conant i have straight A's im on my school dean list and i take off early to go to harper. Life use to be easy when my mom got my everything but this, this is what i worked for and i earned it.Maybe this was supposed to happen all along and im trusting god on this one that i will make it and be great. |
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| A broken heart |
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| 10:52am 26/12/2005 |
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mood:  depressed music: Without you- Mary J Blige
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My heart has been broken by the one person i truely feel in love with Damien changed a view i had on life and everything i did i did in the hope that it would keep us together longer. I find myself sitting here on my computer crying And i just feel like i fought a battle and i lost he said we can still talk but in the back of my head i can see him falling for another girl and his memories of me will fade into a darkness that will then become completely forgotten. He has my heart and for the first time i don't want it back i want him to keep it and learn that my love for him will still be there even if his affection for me fades into only a memory of a girl he once knew. |
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| $$$$$$$ New Job $$$$$$$$$ |
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| 11:38pm 05/10/2005 |
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mood:  working music: girl- by paul wall
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Thats right i got a job at the daily herald and im working my ass off i work from 5pm-9pm mon-thurs and 10am-1pm on Saturdays i don't work on fridays so i can chill with all my friends and im just makin money to party get my car fixed and get a tattoo in two weeks at a party but this is a great job and really felxible so if you guys are looking for a job my boss matt is always looking for new people so hit me up at 847 301-7049 if your lookin for money to party to cause if your going to be a weed smokin do nothin person all your life at lease support your only lifestyle and for $15 an hour plus extra if you sell papers that ain't to shabby. |
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| New school |
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| 12:14pm 16/09/2005 |
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mood:  excited music: paul wall- girl - the peoples champ
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well its the beginning of the new school year and im at a new school District 211 academy north in palitine
this school leave little to the imagination but it's only about 100 sq. feet so the school year has started out with the perfect effects old friend and new one from andrew my ex to ishmale and guy from nsa who was far from my friend outside of school last year. So as the new year progresses i should update my journal more. |
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| in need of help |
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| 12:34pm 12/05/2005 |
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this is a post to ask for help im facing court on the 31st and i may become a ward of the state and i could be taken from my family and friends. so i thought about it hard and i figured maybe if i had letters from friends and family to show the court that im not a ad person and i have a reason to be left at home with my mom who hasn't stopped cry since the letter came so please if you care about me just leave me a letter on the feedback and i can print it out im asking for help cause i did have a bad streak but the thought of being put in a foster home scares me so please just write a letter or even a note just to say that i should stay.
Sagirah ahmed |
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| plans |
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| 10:36pm 06/05/2005 |
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on saturday im going to bark in the park were me and sunset girl will walk 5k's for animal not as forunate as she is. and on sunday i'll be mother's day so even with my money trouble i plan on taking my mom out for dinner. but still i just wish someone whould drop 20 bucks on my door and than i could pay my payment for my car. but dreams don't come true cause this it'nt cinderella and my prince he's an idiot and can't help me but what can i expect. |
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| krysztof a. ptak |
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| 01:28pm 06/05/2005 |
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mood:  hopeful
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i think i may have aided in chris loosing his job. i hope not because without work chris sits around the house and does nothing but sleep also chris needs money to pay for the car, to eat, and his problem but need more money for get better cause he needs help and i can't help him anymore it's up to him now. |
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| hopeful |
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| 01:22pm 06/05/2005 |
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mood:  confused music: im watch scorpion king at nsa
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i still remain hopeful that everything will work it's self out i hit my neighbors car and he call the police my dad took all the blame cause he bought my car so it's a partnership. i worry that i won't have enough money to keep the car so im pawning my playstation 2 today i hope i can get about 70 buck which will help out. |
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| ditch home |
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| 11:11am 05/05/2005 |
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i got back from my sisters grandcanyon destination wedding and i got back on sunday night. well on monday i planned on going to school but when i called chris he told me how he only had to work for an hour so it was my choose i could one go to school and be bored as hell or two spend a fun day with the guy i love so duh i choose to chill with chris and it was fun but he fell asleep before he could drive me home so i spent the night. And when i woke up all i found was a note from chris telling me how he when to work and he would be back asap. Well that night i got to chill with damien who is a guy chris works with and damien started to describe the kind of girl he was looking for and as he talk tara popped into my head and once i showed him her pictures he was sold on meeting her. So chris and i thought up a double date with a movie and something to eat. So on saturday we'll see if they kick it off.(i hope they do). But long story short i got home last night after being gone for a total of three nights and then going to school at 1:10pm for the first time since wendsday of last week. |
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| about my self analization |
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| 09:36pm 19/04/2005 |
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the last post was a deep thought that i have been thinking about so i whould appeciate it if u didn't copy, send, or print this print it very personal and i found witeing this has been heathly for me and i hope u all try it just let it all out and i'll read. thank love, Sagirah |
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| my self analization |
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| 09:05pm 19/04/2005 |
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last night i wote down all my fears and why i think im scared now it's not fully done but what i have so far is written here.
fear1: Losing a guy i love.
Why? I fear losing love is because deep down i can't see myself ending up like my parents who don't get along like i want to get along with the man i end up marrying. that's why i try to work so hard in my relationships and even go so far as to change myself to the point were i become scared of what life whould be like if i did end up him. To be married and not be happy i want to be me maybe a diffrent person as far as how i act but that will change with hard work and age. It's ive seen so many people who i love get hurt by being in love and it end up badly so for emotional preservation i have made myself unloveable to guys who ultimately been the one.
fear2: stopping my drug use.
Why? Becuase over this last year i have started to connect drugs with friendship and even love at times. Cause i have a fear those people i hung out with while i did drug might not be there if i were clean. Still lately i have been in real relationships both friends and love and i never had to do something i was uncomfortable doing like my experiance with heroin i used i to get closer to someone i felt close to chris. But this tied in with my fear of losing a guy i love, but i found what we briefly had in common had been lost but with my dealy fear of endly up alone i tried to prolong my relationship with chris by joining his world so i start a drak part in my life where i did heroin and stole money from my parents to supply my relationship but soon that got old and i dropped it.
fear3: Being accepted by other people.
why. my fear is supplied by how i have seen outcast treated. so is social self-persevation. i started to streach an already intresting life that i really live and even in my own head started to confuse lies and reality so much that it whould be considered truth if i was hooked on a lie detector. But in my quest for social acceptance i ended with the oppisite result more people felt that i either had lied to much to befriend or that i was telling the truth and that hangout whould only be a waste of my time because i had done so much. Also i think that i have those who i want to be friends with and i felt fine that i could lie to those who were not in that group. And i don't like to contamonate my pervious relations with new people cause in a fear that my friends might find the new people more than myself with whould lose them to me and i hate to be in social suclution. so i distanced myself with fiction on purpose. |
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| life so far |
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| 01:15pm 11/04/2005 |
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life sucks i don't go out this weekend i spent all weekend inside the god damn house, it seems like everytime i make plans with someone they seem to only let me down. So i end up on aim with those same people who i wantedn to hang out with well life at nsa it not exactly get better but it seems to be getting worse. i don't fit in here i started delivering the paper in the morning for the school, but that just helps waste the time im forced to spend here with the kids at this disfuctional school of retards minus me of course at least i have real friends outside of this shit hole |
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| holla |
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| 03:07pm 11/03/2005 |
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mood:  bored music: let me love you- mario
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Not this saturday but saturday me tara and nancy are all going to club soda i can't wait lately ive just been chillin after school but now im starting to make plans with my girl tara again so it's all good. I don't have a hookup yet but i got this guy jason who i like he's sweet i talk to him some times for hours and it feels good to talk to a cute guy again. chris is still a good friend of mine but i can't allow myself to be sucked back in by chris, not again. |
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| test |
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| 03:16pm 10/02/2005 |
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mood:  amused music: do you
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[my name is]: Sagirah ahmed
[in the morning i am]cranky and sleepy
[i dream about]:what my heart really desires
-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: yea
[actually seen your crush naked]: yea
[fucked]: umm thts personal dont you think
[had sex]: thats also personaly dont you think
[made love]: thats also personal motherfucker
[cried when someone died]: umm thts stupied yes of coarse idiot
[lied]: umm nooo ... mmm lets se uh YEA
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: pepsi
[flowers or candy]: flowers
[tall or short]: tall
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes
[last person u slow danced with]: ryan perigo
[worst question to ask]: so do u always dress like that?
-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: tara
[who do you have a crush on?]: my boyfriend
[has a crush on you?]: no one
[easiest to talk to]: tara
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: i only wait for tara
[save aol/aim conversations]: nope
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: sometimes i wonder
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: yea
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: no me and tara aren't like that
[been rejected]: yea
[rejected someone]: yea
[been cheated on]: YES
[done something you regret]: everything happens for a reason with no regrets
WHO .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]:ashley caver
[hugged]:phill
[kissed]: phill
[you laughed with]: tara
-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: i only got highlights
[ever get off the computer]:yea
[habla espanol]: no
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: yea
[obsessive]: no
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: maybe about 20 gurls and 3 guys
[drink alcohol?]: on occasions
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: yea
-N U M B E R-
[of hearts i have broken?]: 1
[of drugs taken illegally?]: WEED,Other unplesent drugs!!!! |
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| wat up |
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| 03:11pm 10/02/2005 |
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today i got my hair done by ashley well thats all and my favorite holiday is only 4 days away and i have no valentine i guess some traditions never end |
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| New DAyz |
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| 02:02pm 31/01/2005 |
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mood:  crazy music: drop it like it's hot
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Whats new u ask nothing it's the same old bull shit i got new friends but keep the one who have always been there for me like tara and nothings really new i added Ptak to my last name in honor of kryzstof (chris) he and i aren't as far away from each other as we were i think were getting closer but still for now we r buddies who do drugz together. and that good because i would rather have him with me for a little then not see him at all. so for now im spending most my time with chris and tara when we can hook up. as far as NSA i hate this school other then 2 people who are nice ever since john tiphun and pagie camen to my house and that bitch soccer punched me but shes a fucking hoe and a fat bustdown. so sagirah out and for all my girls at conant i'll be back soon i finsh my court days and testing for conant in 2 days see you soon. |
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| Update |
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| 02:06pm 09/12/2004 |
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in 9 day im going to the WGCI concert and we have an extra ticket cause tara dosen't want jessica to come. Not like i wanted her to come in the first place. so chris's cell is turned off or i would ask him. |
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| WGCI Big Jam 5 |
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| 02:16pm 01/12/2004 |
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Thats right Tara, Phillp, And me are going to the Pepsi WGCI big jam 5 over at united center on the 17th so don't call me or tara cause well be jammin to artist like Kyane West, Twister, Dem Francise Boys |
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playbbebe26's journal